3 weeks, 3 days and 3 hours.

3 weeks, 3 days and 3 hours.

I am now finalizing all my things here in Germany to move back to the USA.

Such a bittersweet time for me, I have to admit. I will miss many things here that I have grown to be used to, and at the same time looking forward to the things that I miss, and the things I will be doing in the next 2 years.

My life has been good here. I have learned the beauty of a simpler life and how to be less "consumerist" towards the normal things in life. I still want things, mind you, but not as often nor as many.

I was able to live in a beautiful city in a beautiful country. I was able to travel and see many places in Europe. Some I fell in love with, some I will never return to.

I was able to reflect on my life - more specifically my personality - and realize that I am strong enough, decisive enough, and able enough to do the things I dream about.

I have come to certain conclusions about who I am and what makes me who I am and while that will undoubtedly change over time as it always does, it gives me a good springboard for the next chapter in my life.

I am mostly happy with the thought of coming home. I hope that I am able to share the experiences I have had here. I only hope that those around me are interested - really interested and not "American interested" - in what I have to say.

I have met some really great people here, and have learned many lessons about the nature of people and have lost some supposed friends. I have realized that relationships end sometimes and while I think I have coped well, I can always do better.

I have learned about the German culture. I have learned how to navigate the personal arena; what makes a friend in the eyes of a German, what things they take personally and that once you are a friend, you are pretty much a friend for life with no conditions. My good friend Carsten, for example, when I asked for help moving he said yes with no thought, no checking his schedule, no hmming and hawing, just "YES" and I will miss that.

I am going to miss the international flair of my workplace. It was fun to share the differences in cultures and to make fun of the little differences in language between the US, UK, Australia and other places. These are things that I won't really be able to share with those at home because....just because.

I am coming home a richer person in experience. I hope that I can remember everything that I have learned here. I never want to forget my time in Dresden. And I hope that I can use my experiences to aid my future success.

And I am scared. Moving home in the "worst financial crisis ever", and trying to study will pose challenges that I hope I can overcome. I am scared that won't be good enough to achieve the success I desire. Not a selfish success, but success enough to provide for myself.

I have loved and lost, loved and lost and loved again. Prague will always have the most special place in my heart for many reasons. Paris a close second, and Italy will be my favorite country for a long, long time.

I will always appreciate that I have made friends with people who were former "enemies" of our political system...sitting in an East German's yard having a bbq and enjoying wine. Speaking to these people about the differences and similarities we share, mostly similarities, is priceless.

I am anticipating "reverse culture shock" when I come home. I will get cranky and impatient with the way things work in the US. I am sure I will have more than my share of comments or derisive chuckles but I am nevertheless looking forward to reconnecting with my culture and friends. I am going to donate blood because I want to do good even in a small way. I want to learn more about the city I was born in. I am quite ashamed that I know more about my "host city" than I do about my home city.

I am sure that I will have so much more to write about this time in my life. I have been obsessed with gaming which has somehow been my coping mechanism but I have to now pull myself back to reality - even just a little bit - to express these feelings and start the next chapter in my life. 

I am looking forward but won't be able to stop looking behind for quite a while.

Even As a Teacher, I Still Can Learn

The student probably never suspected it.

But I thought it. From the very first time I had him.

There was a student in a group and he was a bit "special". There is usually one in every group; one who just can't keep up or seems to refuse to try in a group.

Well, it was no exception with this group—a group of unemployed older people paid to come to our school to learn English.

Some are motivated because it will help them develop skills, others come simply to get money from the government.

He barely seemed to try, he never spoke correctly, and he was difficult to teach.

Only today, at the end, did he say something about why he was this way.

He had a head injury and it caused him to be a slow learner. It made him socially obtuse in almost every way, to be honest.

So, I misjudged him.

And it showed me that I shouldn't do that. How do I know what kind of past a person has had?

I had Visitors...

A couple weeks ago, I had some visitors.

Ria, a former co-worker, and her friend Sean.

It's nice to have people here because I get a chance to see the cities vicariously and it's nice to experience that from time to time. Living here for so long, I get jaded and cranky but so see the city with fresh eyes makes me realize how nice Dresden can be.

We did Dresden, Prague and Berlin. They then went off to Munich.

We ended their visit here with an Oasis concert. I actually thought they played well, but I don't like the singer...he doesn't really have a range at all.

Here are some photos!

Another Slacking Blogger

I have no good excuse.

Really.

None.

I can blame it on many things but I am just lazy.

And I want to try to change it.

But at the moment,  I have to try to organize my ideas to share and I don't know where to begin.

I haven't had a chance yet to give my notice at work and I am not doubting my decision. My plans are built upon so much that could not happen and I don't want to make the wrong decision. I don't want to fail.

But the other side is that I can't stay here doing what I am doing now.

*sigh*

Cat is Out of the Bag

For the 1 follower of my blog and the few that stop by to read it, I have to apologize for the infrequent posting. I will try to write more but won't promise.

This post is going to be personal and I ask for those friends of mine who read it to offer what advice you can.

Things here in Germany are good. I have a job, a (small) nice apartment, a girlfriend and have settled into a very comfortable life where I can work 6 hours a day and live. I'll never be rich, but I can live here.

About 4 months ago, the girlfriend and I had a fight. In this fight, she triggered a reaction in me that made me look into coming back home and to study photography - something that I have always wanted to do. When I was home, I applied at RIT for the visual media program "just to see".

I was accepted.

So now I am standing at a crossroads. I have told the girlfriend about what I intend to do. The reasons I gave were mainly my family, but also my culture, friends, language as well as more opportunity.

She argued that I could be a photographer anywhere and that I was just running away.

Perhaps she is true but I can explain.

She and her mom bought a villa in her home city. It's a "fixer upper" and they have been working on it for almost 3 years. The thing that kinda irks me is that remaining in this situation would have me ending up living with the mother-in-law. Never any privacy, never really feeling like it was "my castle". (bear in mind that they have their own floors, separate but never alone)

Well, the house is almost finished. Anytime I go visit her, it's not so much that we see each other but more she puts me to work - or wants to. I resist sometimes.

What I see for the next 10 years or so there is gardening (hate it!), housework like stripping paint or shoveling coal and never ever feeling that I have my own comfortable place. She has tried to include me in the decision making processes but all in all I cannot change the living situation.

So, if I stayed with her, I'd have to move to another country (again), learn another language (again), not be understood or not understand anything for 4 months (again) and I am tired of it.

I am tired of fighting simply to do daily things that are normal to everyone else on their culture.

I care about the girlfriend but I am looking at the rest of my life...am I wrong for being a little selfish? Maybe even a lot selfish?

She told me that she'd live in the US with me for a couple years while I study but then intends to move back to her city. Reasons?? Family, opportunity, friends.

Right: she won't do what she expects me to do.

So I am bordering depression mulling this whole thing over.

Aside from that, I hate my job. HATE. Over the last 3 months, I have learned that my company does not care about the actual quality of the work but only that the paperwork is filled out correctly.

And I don't want to do what I am doing forever.

So, I feel that I am languishing in my situation. I feel that I can have a more fulfilling life if I move back home.

I am choosing between relative comfort here, to being closer to my family and having more opportunity.

And that is probably why I am hiding in my stupid game so much.

GZ and DPS

Hello all.

It's been a while. And do you know why? If you couldn't tell from the last few posts, I'll tell ya:

World of Warcraft.

Yep. I am officially an addict. It's not uncommon in my life though. I lost a whole summer to Starcraft 10 years ago.

Now, I have no excuse for staying in and only playing this game except it's so much fun!

But, as with many new things, I need to get used to the lingo. Maybe some of this is normal for some of you, but for me I had to ask silly questions to which a reply would be "die noob!"

Noob (or nub) = noobie =  a new person

TY = simple: thank you. (used when you help another player slay a beast or if you give them healing or water)

NP = the reply to TY and it is "no problem"

LFG = looking for group

Tank = a type of player who "tanks" his way into a group of enemies"

Healer = a player who heals said tanks

DPS = "damage per second". That is my character's strength. I stand back and blast them with ice :-)

CC = crowd control (I can  turn one enemy into a sheep, reducing the menace a bit.

I am getting the hang of all the lingo but it's not easy. 

And why am I blogging and not playing??

Weekly maintenance every Wednesday til 12.

*sigh*

 

World of Warcraft vs. My Girlfriend

Taken from here. By Tyler Curry.

I've had a lot of time to think about our last conversation, particularly since you ended it by ramming a keyboard through my monitor. I understand that we were both upset at the time and perhaps we said some things we didn't mean. Well, maybe you more than me, considering I mostly just listened to you shriek and cowered in the corner.

I do not think I am, as you so eloquently screamed, "addicted to World of Warcraft." I have, however, made a number of unfortunate mistakes, for which I would like to apologize.

I'm sorry I was so late picking you up from the library. I didn't know they locked the doors at 8, and I'm sorry you had to stand outside alone for two hours. If it makes you feel better, despite its reputation to the contrary, that portion of the city does not have a violent-crime rate significantly above the national average.

You have to consider the position I was in. I was healing for a party with five players in it, all of whom were counting on me to help them defeat Mekgineer Thermaplugg and liberate the Gnomish city of Gnomeregan. Those are the needs of five people, in contrast to just yours, alone. (Note that I'm not even counting the needs of the Gnomish people here, Ashley.) As Spock once famously said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one." You were that one.

Had I looked outside and noticed the freezing rain, I may have made a different decision. Probably not, though.

I'm also sorry I posted those pictures of you on my guild forums, the ones I took when you were passed out. I had no idea they could Photoshop your bra off. That was poor judgment on my part, and I freely admit it. I also should have told you before the chain letter went out. On the bright side, you hated working there anyway.

I also have some things to say that I think you should hear, and, since you forgot to pause long enough for me to speak before your charming little bout of property damage and subsequent stormy departure, I would like to say them now.

Ashley, you have never been willing to accommodate my World of Warcraft needs, or even to compromise the slightest bit.

Last month, when your mother was in a car accident, you called and not only demanded I drive you to the hospital but insisted I stay there to provide "emotional support"—despite knowing full well that I had booked that evening off to fight forest trolls in Zul'Aman. When I suggested you take a cab and that I join you in three to four hours, you unleashed a string of expletives that even my therapist found disturbing. You also refused to wait until we finished off the eagle boss, the one who drops the helm piece I have been trying to get for months.

For the record, she turned out fine anyway. Many paraplegics lead rich and rewarding lives.

Also, what you stumbled upon me doing with that Level 64 blood elf in the back room of the Silvermoon City Inn was neither "sick and perverted" nor "cheating on you." We were role-playing. That I called you by her character's name later that evening was just a weird coincidence. I do not wish your body looked like that. You and I both know that it's physically impossible for humans to have those proportions, at least while retaining all of their internal organs.

However, in the midst of your raging diatribe, sandwiched between the curses and the flailing limbs, you made some very good points. In fact, the words you spoke about commitment, loyalty, and "being there when someone needs you" have sort of inspired me.

Ashley, when I gave you that ring and pledged to spend my life with you, what I didn't mention was that, eight months prior, in the Level 10 quest "For the Horde," I had already pledged eternal fealty and service to Warchief Thrall.

Now, with the gates of Ahn'Qiraj opening and the threat of the Silithid invasion looming over Azeroth, the call has gone out for all able-bodied members of the horde to band together in the great war effort. An event like this only happens once in a server's life, and I cannot honorably abandon my online brethren in this hour of need. I understand that you need me to be there for you, but, Ashley, the truth is, right now, the horde just needs me more.

WoW 2

Spending a week with laryngitis and hacking up phlegm left me little choice as to what to do with my week of paid sick time.

I spent almost all of it playing World of Warcraft.

It's sick, I know. But it's fun! It must be if 11 million people subscribe to the game.

I am now hooked.

Hence, the sparse posting.

Back to playing.

I am Celm...

For quite a long time I was averse to World of Warcraft.

I had a problem with a subscription service game—having to pay 14 euros a month to play a game.

Well...I now know that WoW is the crack cocaine of games.

I downloaded the 10-day trial and decided to give it a go.

I'm hooked.

So...I'd like to introduce you to my virtual personality.

I am Celm. Mage. Healer. Herbalist. 

LOL. I'm such a loser.

Happy!

I know that it's not gonna change over night.

I know that there is a lot of work ahead.

But: I am SO happy that Obama won.

Reganomics? Gone. A retard as president? Gone. A crooked administration? Gone.

Hopefully we can dig ourselves out of 8+ years of shit that Bush has thrown on this country.

Happy!