Blog migration..

Hello. Here is my new blog/photo page. Please use this address from now on!


http://web.mac.com/rcbrown/iWeb/Site/Home.html

Ponder this!

I was thinking about this today on my way to buy garbage bags:

"Why do we have to pay money for something to put shit into and then throw away?"

It's the same with a wallet. Why must we pay money to buy something to put money into?

I'll post some pictures of Budapest soon!

Sick, sick, sick

There are a few good reasons why I like living in Europe. One of them, as you have heard so many times, is my 5 weeks paid vacation. But what I haven't experienced - well, until now that is - is SICK TIME.

That's right: I am sick. I have the flu, and the doctor gave me a week paid off!

Now, I know what you Americans are thinking: "sissy, loser, weakling!" Go ahead, say what you want...but I know you are jealous!

See, in Germany, everyone gets 6 weeks of paid sick time. Now, that means that a lot of the "honest" citizens really milk the system for all it's worth, but I think I am not in that group, seeing that this is the 1st time I've been to the doctor's.

Now here is the downside: I am totally fucking bored.

There is only so much sleeping a man can do. So much cleaning or picking up someone can do...and this is only the second day!

So I'm gonna whine and complain to anyone that'll listen.

And I'll get paid for it.

I love Europe.

Come to Germany...pass a kidney stone!

Hey everyone,

Well, my dad's trip was interesting to say the least. Everything was fine - his arrival, the trip to Berlin and Prague - until the Saturday before he left. He got really, REALLY sick. On Sunday, I decided to bring him to the hospital. It turned out that it was the best choice: he had a kidney stone! The stone had moved from his kidney to the base of the bladder and sat there... After a night in the hospital, they decided to remove the stone. The operation was a success, and he was able to fly home on Tuesday. So, hopefully he stays healthy. In retrospect, I realize that he didn't buy any souvenirs for himself, however, I think a complete tour of the University Clinic Hospital and a personally made kidney stone are souvenirs enough!

I am glad that he got sick after our traveling. Not that I am glad he got sick, but if he'd been sick in Prague, I wouldn't have known what to do. At least here I can mildly express what I want to in German. And it allowed me to learn some new terms and words in German! (ex. bladder, kidney stone, patient registration, medical coverage, catheter, and so on)

Otherwise, it was a nice trip, I think, for him. He enjoyed Prague. We found a cafe that we liked. I am going to visit it again this weekend...

So, if I don't write again before Easter, I hope everyone has a great Easter and I'll be in touch soon!

P.S. click on the picture to take you to my new photo page.

Still Snowing Here!

It’s been a whirlwind 2 weeks. I’ve been holed up in my apartment getting the newest Telos catalog finished. This is the final week; the deadline is this Friday. I’ll be glad when it’s finished, because then I can have a life again. I’ve already planned a steaming drunk night this Friday to celebrate the finishing of the project. Self-destructive? Maybe, but it’s only for one night.

Things have been going well for me lately. I am getting ready to do about 7 weeks of traveling: first with my dad, then to visit a friend, then to Budapest, and finally, to Copenhagen. I have only a couple more places left that I want to visit this year: Rome and possibly Athens. (Thank God for easyjet and 80 euro round trip flights!)

On the romance front, it’s dry, dry, dry. It’s okay though, I am getting all my ducks in a row before I make the step out again and try to find the next ex girlfriend.

Positive Update

Well, what a crazy few weeks it's been! After dealing with ending a realtionship, I feel like I am born again! I have so many things to do now, and I am really happy to be making some of my dreams come true.

One of those dreams was to persue photography as a serious hobby. As luck would have it, I am able to get a new digital SLR camera. With this investment comes a huge responsibility to really learn the camera and that is what I want to do.

I'm also taking the opportunity I have to travel to other cities. (My weekends are no longer taken up waiting for a girlfriend, and sitting around doing nothing) Thanks to easyjet, I am going to Coppenhagen - finally - to visit Kristen, and also to Budapest with Jess.

I'm also "dieting". I've lost 15lbs officially. But the hard part is keeping it off. So we'll see.

I've really taken a negative situation and turned it into something very positive for me. I hope this trend continues. Here's to a wonderful 2006!

Notes from Peitz (a town in the middle of fucking nowhere in Germany)

Monday: Got in a few minutes late and walked right by the men picking me up. When they realized I could speak German they were happy. Had to move the office around to accommodate the learning method. They have a the coolest coffee machine I've ever seen. They took breaks often. They resorted to german when they got tired. (them knowing I could speak German didn't help) I've had a stiff neck for two days. Stress probably. The train ride in was nice. I saw the red sun rise and the trees were powdered with snow. The lunch was nicely divided into several dishes: Spaghetti, pudding (kiwi/banana), cucumber salad, and an apple. What a combination. The hotel room is small. but it's quiet and if I decide to go nuts and burn the room down, I don't think anyone else is here to bother. Tried to go to the bar for a beer. No one there. Not gonna waste my money if there is no scenery. Stuck in a town where the only exciting thing here is a bar (closed for remodeling til this friday) and a supermarket. What have I gotten myself into? Help!!!

Tuesday: It snowed last night, so the roads were messy and my ride was 15 minutes late. The students today were more distracted then yesterday. The coffee machine lost its prestige today. I am sick of coffee now, only after asking, did I get water. The lunch we had was...ok. I think I'll be sick of cafeteria food by friday. Things in separate dishes are starting to annoy me. Was going to travel into Cottbus, but then, why? I can stay here, light candles, and enjoy a night in from of the computer working on design stuff.

Wednesday: The hump day. Killed them today with grammar. the boss didn't sit in for half of the time...then he said that he booked a course for March...shit. That means I have to go again. (?) Tomorrow we'll finish all but chapter 11 (no-not the bankruptcy chapter). Dunno what else to say. My hotel is ok. Had dreams last night I'd rather not have. Reading a Mike Gayle book and love it. I'd finish it tonight, but I need to pace myself. The hotel's room isn't conducive to working. I just want to watch movies and sleep. The good thing is that I am catching up on my sleep.

Thursday: Thank God I have only one more night left in this hole. I feel like I'm on an island. Another day of energy spent trying to get them to speak. They cheat on their homework. I splattered sauce all over my shirt at lunch time, tripped over a chair while switching pages on the marker board...it wasn't my day, that's for sure. Looking forward to coming home for the weekend, and dreading it at the same time. I don't want to speak to Ivana. I wonder what's going on in her head. Or do I? Tomorrow is only a half day, and then I have the WEEKEND!! Monday I have to travel to Chemnitz...WTF??!! I have to pack tonight for tomorrow. I am so ready to get out of here.

The Purging of my Soul

This won't be an easy post. I left my journal at work, and I need to focus my mental energy into something physical. For those who read it, I hope you understand it. Here goes:

Ivana broke up with me last night. I knew it might happen, since we fought a few days ago, and she started saying "I'm not so sure we're a good match", and things like that. Perhaps I prepared myself for it, because the feeling of trepidation isn't so intense.

Or, maybe I didn't love her the way I thought I did. I have to kick this idea around. The way we argued - and all couples argue sometimes - wasn't productive. I simply felt she didn't take my feelings into consideration. When you are in a relationship, that person should be important. That person should not be made to feel unimportant. Too often, people have the mind set "oh, he/she will always be here so I can do what I want and they shouldn't take it personally". Well, that is inconsiderate.

However you cut it, it is not respectful to someone when you tell someone that you'll be home to talk at a certain time, and 45 minutes after that time, that someone is sitting at home, waiting and wondering, and gets an sms saying "I met a friend, we're gonna get a beer, talk to you tomorrow".

What if I shifted plans to talk - maybe I postponed plans to get home and talk with her and now I am totally screwed for the night? What does that say to me? It's not respectful. Period.

Of course, I never told her she couldn't do that. I told her it made me angry. I don't want to tell anyone what to do. In retrospect I should have told her it hurt me. Because it did.

Last weekend was the icing on the cake, the straw that broke the camel's back, or anything else you want to use to describe it: she came to visit me as always on the weekend. Saturday she got a message from a student of hers - a man - and chatted with him on and off ALL WEEKEND. I can't think of any student I'd do that with, and this wasn't something she would typically do. I got a bit nervous and felt a little threatened. She tried to play down my feelings saying that I am always getting jealous and there is nothing to it, and what is the problem...blah blah.

I never told her she couldn't talk to him. But I felt abandoned. She would spend time with me, but I'd say every hour or so she'd talk to him for 15 minutes of it.

Not normal. Definitely not considerate. It was so bad, in fact, that I went into the bedroom where the computer is and laid on my bed waiting for attention, making comments every so often. Attention came, but only after a while.

I tried to put her in my shoes. "how would you feel if I came to your place and chatted with a female student all weekend on your computer?"

She apologized, but after 2 days. But she was angry at me for being upset.

Maybe HURT was the better word for me to use.

And I can't think of anyone who would be happy letting that happen.

She said "I want a relaxed relationship". So did I. So don't put me in situations where I can get jealous/hurt/whatever. Take my feelings into consideration. THAT'S ALL I WANT.

Don't tell me that you and some class mates made a bet and the loser of the bet has to do a strip tease. If it's serious or not, NO guy wants to hear that. She said it was funny. I felt uncomfortable anytime after that when she mentioned going out with these people. I never said she couldn't. But DON'T tell a boyfriend these things.

It'd be more respectful if she simply didn't do it. But that's neither here nor there.

Don't chat with some guy she "met" on my computer and try and send him a photo. How does that seem to anyone out there? Innocent? Perhaps, but it sends signals to the other person...and since I am guy, I know how guys think. And I am not supposed to feel threatened/jealous/hurt/angry?

It simply boils down to perhaps her last relationship was great. They never fought. but I can't imagine her doing these things to him. She did them to me. I defended my point of view - never telling her she could or couldn't do something, but she needs to know that her actions can make someone angry. Or hurt. Or jealous. She knows now.

Maybe the last boyfriend was a doormat. Spineless. Meek. Whatever you want to say. But I can't imagine anyone being comfortable with these situations. Guy or girl.

Perhaps I have narcissistic tendencies. I've thought about it. But realistically, I think that it is more that my feelings weren't considered.

And I'd love to hear anyone's opinion on the matter.

So now, I can cut my hair shorter again. I can take trips to visit friends again. I have my weekends back. Jess and I are talking about going to Budapest. That sounds cool.

I even thought about making the move back home to the US. I'm not sure I can give up 5 weeks paid vacation though...